Life with and without cancer...

So, it was a week, to be sure. Bo had his scans on Monday, and pre-op. The scans were clear and his procedure went as well as could be expected. He is a little sore and had to miss Show Me State Games with his basketball team, but such is life. At least his port is gone. But there was some sadness around the fact that we will no longer be able to find Bo with a metal detector--fortunately he keeps growing so chances of losing him get slimmer every day.

However, I still feel like I live in a strange cancer epicenter. We recently found out that one of Jay's colleagues has a terrible case of bile duct cancer, and a new friend of mine found out that she is facing a cancer recurrence. After six years, she must face the confusion and fear of treatment. Fighting for all the little bits of information, trying to make the best choices and understand all the options all while caring for a family and not finding the best support is not something I wish on anyone.

So, on Friday night I put the boys to bed and I cried--for closure and relief, or perhaps for mourning, maybe in grief, I'm not really sure. I just know that I have arrived at "a certain age" (I still maintain I am 32) where death and dying and family problems will be a very real part of life. It is true that without sadness, you don't get to fully appreciate the happiness, but why is it that life experiences seem to come in the wrong order? Who doesn't look back on their youth and wish that they could do it over with just a fraction of the wisdom and confidence of an adult--just live it up knowing that whatever Suzie said about you to Brian on Tuesday will not matter past Wednesday. And who doesn't wish that just a few of life's difficulties could come a little earlier so that we could be better prepared. Hell, even if I could have had allergies or knee problems earlier in life, I might have worked harder to take care of myself...well, or not...

All I know is that I will never be able to look at people the same again, for better and for worse. I much better appreciate all the trouble people carry, but I am less tolerant of selfishness. How is it that some people can't or won't come through? Why does crisis bring out the best in some and the worst in others? As our country faces what are bound to be a rough couple years, I wonder that same about all crises, not just cancer and health problems. Why are there so many people doing great things, and yet so many Madoffs who will take all they can and run. Where is the happiness in that?

Anyway, too many issues too big for me. I can't even get a couple cancer support teams running, for heaven's sake! We tried, for those of you wondering, we started a team for preteens struggling with the loss of a parent, but the bottom line is there isn't enough TIME in a week! But, now thanks to an inquiry from a kind woman named Rita in Macon (who happened to work at MODOT in what I think is the best office building ever) we are investigating the possibility of "virtual teams." Since kids are so much more comfortable online than they are even in person, there has to be a way to use Facebook, or Yahoo Groups, or even plain e-mail to facilitate online support teams.

So, we are still working on developing the Cancer Club and if anyone has any ideas, feel free to share. Hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day--I personally think the holiday is a scam, but I am very fond of chocolate strawberries from the Candy Factory and the lovely boxes of Godiva you can get on clearance the week after! Life is short, so be thankful for small graces, Lisa