The Thankful Season

Bah humbug--I'm a Scrooge! I don't understand how Black Friday shopping got all mixed up with the virgin birth of the father of Christianity. I think a few years of working retail cured me of any former love and fascination with the winter holidays. Or, on second thought, maybe it was the Christmas I scratched my cornea decorating the tree and I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night but the pain was so bad I had to pull over to throw up--no I am pretty sure it was retail.

I worked at Marshall Fields, in china and gourmet the Christmas I was pregnant with Pierce, a job I did for several years and LOVED until that particular Xmas season. Besides the usual crabby customers and merchandise mix-ups, that year there was the day that I was fully eight months pregnant helping a customer who had purchased pillows. While she was in line in our department she decided she needed a box, but she and her companion also decided they needed to go back and get the matching pillow since it was likely it would be gone if the recipient decided they needed two after the holidays(this was a decorative pillow, so supply was always uncertain). I told her that while I was perfectly willing to get a box, if they were going back over there, it would be easier for all concerned, especially the other ten customers in line, for them to get a box while purchasing the second pillow because I would also have to go all the way over there to find a box that big. Well, this woman looked at me up and down and said "it's probably better that you go get the box since you obviously need the exercise." Mind you, each of my children gave me ten pounds I have never been able to lose so someone might fairly say that to me now, but I was in great shape at that point in my life, but HELLO, I was eight months pregnant and my only concession to getting larger was size 10 clothes versus the 6s I was wearing previously. I was hardly fat, and even if I was, who was she to tell me I needed exercise? Then there was the horrible woman who insisted that I find some obscure piece of holiday china that she had to have right that moment which required me to climb to the very top of the seven foot ladder in the storage room and perch precariously over the shelf, again while eight months pregnant!

This year we are hosting Jay's colleagues at our house for a holiday party. This will not be a big to-do since I know and love all of them, and they know us and our common existence with our very bad dogs and two children, but there has been a lot of work we have needed to finish on our house and my beloved decided we should finish it before the party on Sunday. So, we are painting. We finally removed the blinds Homer destroyed (that's also another story that is worth telling someday, but in summary I personally KNOW someone that was featured on America's Most Wanted--how's that for a teaser?) and painted the window frames that have been hidden for at least 10, but more like 30 years... Oh, and then there is the matter of what used to be the "playroom" that I so lovingly decorated for my babies that Bo now calls his room--that he wanted Tiger Gold. Anyone considering Tiger Gold may want to visit our house before purchasing paint--it is SOME color, that is all I can say.

So between horrible memories of holiday retail, a dog that loves poopsicles, painting--which I HATE, and our Christmas decorations in a half-done state, I am not lovin' the holiday season. But, it is not only the season of rampant commercialization, hyperbolic consumerism and wanton greed, it is also a season of faith, love and thankfulness--that I get. So I wanted to share my top ten list of things for which I am thankful!

1. Pathologists, oncologists, nurses and other health professionals
2. Friends, both known and unknown who hold you up when you need it most
3. Farmers and all the people who perform daily hard labor with little recognition
4. Voters, no matter who they voted for--for keeping the dream alive
5. Teachers and coaches who give their lives to shape the lives of others
6. Emergency service professionals who risk their lives for our safety
7. Dogs, even the ones who eat poopsicles, for making life a little lighter
8. Patrons of the arts who maintain our culture, especially in tough times
9. My Super Suppers colleagues for making it a joy to be a small business owner
10. Jay, Pierce and Bo, for making life worth living, even in the dark hours

I hope everyone takes some time to appreciate what we all have, even when the economy is at its worst, we will still have more than so many and we must never forget the pains it took to achieve. Have a wonderful holiday season, filled with love and laughter, skip the stores, all the stuff is cheaper in January anyway. With love, Lisa

Just When You Think It Can't Get Worse...

Life delivers punches every day. You learn to roll with the little ones, but every now and then you get knocked down. All are well here in mid-MO, despite the fact that a very nice young college student totalled our car yesterday. More on that in a minute, but I can't stop thinking about how a little punch to one person can be a real knock out for another. With the economy the way it is, so many people are one little car accident or brush fire or illness away from financial tragedy. How in the world is our new President and Congress going to fix the mess we've gotten ourselves into?

For those who know Columbia, just after it started to pour yesterday, we were headed to Robotics, driving down Forum, starting to go up the hill, and I thought to myself, I have to be very careful and pay attention to the drivers coming down the hill, and not a second later, I saw headlights coming straight for me. I drove onto the shoulder but resisted driving onto the grass since I was not sure how much room there was to drive safely. Just when I thought I might avoid an accident, I felt the hard crack and saw myself go spinning. I have never been more relieved to hear my kids scream. It meant they were both alive, but I felt a small panic knowing that she hit me right in the gas tank, then remembered I had been driving on empty all day...

So many things for which to be thankful. Thankful no one was hurt, actually somewhat thankful sbe hit us and not a tree, because as fast as she was sliding, she might not have survived, thankful I never stopped to put gas in my car, thankful I never cancelled my collision coverage, and thankful that this little accident won't put me over the edge. But, as a business owner, I have become more cognizant of those who are so close to the edge. There are probably a hundred people I know personally who would be devastated to lose a car. We had the luxury of three, so while my life gets a little more inconvenient, we will survive. And I am more than a little annoyed that that car was worth way more to me than the $2000 or so the insurance company will honor, but I am not going to lose a job or life over that loss.

In this month of thanks giving and the season of giving, take more than a minute to give thanks for everything you have, no matter how meager it seems. Make amends with a loved one and do a good deed. Pay it forward as much as you can since you never know if that knockout punch might be the next one. But also think about giving with meaning. We all need to curb the excessive materialistic tendencies we have nurtured for a decade and know that times are tough and will probably get tougher. Give from the heart and give where it can make the most difference. With lots of love and even more appreciation of life, Lisa

Free (or very cheap) Tickets!

In case you didn't know, Super Suppers is a sponsor of KBIA and the University Concert Series. We love the Concert series and have always been supporters. Donors are treated to a reception before most events, and we cater about three of these a year.

Our sponsored show this year is Sweeney Todd which is this coming Thursday, so we will be catering--Thanksgiving dinner will be the menu, and it should be scrumptious--I haven't fouled one up, yet and we have always gotten rave reviews, but you know, there is a first time for everything and I am not immune to mistakes! But really, I have at least four extra tickets to that show and the reception, plus four tickets to both the MU Choral Union: Gloria Thursday, November 20th, and Nebraska Theatre Caravan: A Christmas Carol, Thursday, December 4. Call or e-mail if you want them! You can have them, or if you are so inclined, you may make a donation to the Cancer Club--our first group is going well, and we hope to add more when we can! Stay warm and dry, Lisa

When is "just a lump" not "just a lump?"

Well when you've had a cancer diagnosis of course! I felt like I had finally gotten over the bizarreness of the summer when Bo started complaining about a lump under his tongue. So, remember the whole thing about his condition, whatever it is, is related to common salivary gland tumors, both malignant and benign. Wanting someone to check it, but not wanting to overreact, I called our dentist. I adore my dentist, but I admit I am still a little annoyed. He immediately referred us to a world-class surgical oncologist and made us spend a good solid weekend worrying. Of course by Monday we went back to the dentist who concluded that it was "just a lump," a common canker sore, to be specific, and it was gone. The lump and swollen node he felt a few days earlier were now hardly discernible. So, we still went to see the specialist on Tuesday who confirmed that everything was just fine.

But, it was not something I was prepared for, or warned about. Apparently, once you've been "marked" you no longer get to have normal ordinary ailments anymore. No doctor wants to make the call that it's "just a lump" or a sore, or anything, without referring to a specialist--CYA, I guess. I get that, and I could have expected it rationally, but I still wish I had the Dummies Guide to Cancer so I could have been properly warned that we, too, should hesistate before having every little lump or bump checked, and be prepared that every wart will be examined by an oncologist. Okay, I know that's an exaggeration, but it was not a fun weekend.

And on that note, our first Cancer Clubs will meet on Monday, October 27th, at 6:30, at Bethel Church. The kids' club will be for kids who have lost a parent to cancer. Our known attendees will be aged 10-14, but kids slightly older or younger are welcome to attend and we will break them up when we have enough members to form two groups. At the same time, the parents of these great kids will meet at a place in the building, or close by, where they too, can process their experiences--maybe the output from all our groups will be the true Dummies Guide to Surviving Cancer. If any of our Columbia friends want more information, feel free to contact me at thecancerclub@aol.com, or 573.268.4766!

Advertising these groups has truly been a rewarding labor of love. I have never felt so lucky to be working. Finding my way around the downtown churches was quite an adventure, but with the exception of one elementary school, people were so thankful and wonderful. I think being a kid is pretty darn hard, period, but being a kid that has to face such a huge loss, to put it bluntly, just sucks, and so if we can help even one kid have an easier time making lemonade out of life's lemons, I will have led a good life! So, back to making my own lemonade out of my crazy business... With love, Lisa

What do YOU do With Your Pain?

So, I have been processing a lot of things lately. I have had the time to step away from the summer and the pain and the fear and just think about what it all means. I have also been reading--yes, I know that scares you all, but reading is therapeutic for me. I have read a lot of books lately, Anne Lamott-Grace (Eventually), Glass Castle, a history of the Mormon church, and a bunch of other stuff, plus talking to people who might benefit or help in the development of our cancer center, and it got me thinking.

We all have pain in our hearts, maybe from childhood--mean kids at school, parents who always seemed to want that little extra, no matter how good you did, maybe it's from a current relationship, personal or business where you give a LOT more than you get, maybe it is children, who, for reasons you may never understand do not have the same relationship with you that you desire. Or, perhaps, you are the one in a million that has never experienced pain. In either case, what do you do with that? If your psyche is a suitcase, and all your "stuff" is packed in there, is it neat and tidy, is it really big and heavy, or do you disguise it with a mental "tablecloth" to make it prettier? Where does your baggage take you?

I have pain. I can admit that. It doesn't matter where it comes from--a large part of it has to do with being a "weird" and ugly kid and I can tell you if you really want to know--but what really matters is what I do with it. So many people carry their suitcase like a weapon, swinging it around and making sure no one gets close. A lot of people use it as a shield, so that no one gets close enough to look inside. Others hide it and pretend they don't have a suitcase, even though other people can feel that you seem to live in a big tent. I am sure I can't tell you what is in the bottom of my suitcase, but I do know that in many ways it sustains me. The fact that I know pain is what allows me to see the pain in others and try my very best to alleviate some of it, with all the power I have. I have learned that I am not very good at making money. But today when a customer told me that when she left last weekend and I told her to "enjoy her guests" and it resonated with her all weekend because, thanks to us, she WAS able to enjoy her guests, that sustains me.

I was raised a Lutheran and the major philosophical difference Martin Luther had with the Catholic Church was the notion that God's love is grace freely given--that we don't have to do lots of stuff to get it--but the corollary is that to whom much is given, much is expected. And I know that whatever pain I have experienced, there are others who have endured much more, and I have been given many gifts that I am obligated to share with others. I have been given health, a tiny bit of wealth (but since the DOW dropped another several hundred points today, it's a lot less than I wish!), a decent amount of intelligence and thanks to what is probably undiagnosed ADHD, a LOT of energy.

What do you do with your pain? Do you wallow in it, hide it, let it make you angry or distant and detached from others? I have done all of the above, sometimes. And sometimes the unproductive things feel good. I have spent the better part of the last day exuding vile rants on my corporate bulletin board because of some ridiculous changes they want to make--yeah, it kind of felt good, but then I tried to counter some of it by posting a few positive things that we have learned lately. It is good to work out that pain in the gym, that is way productive, and I have not done that nearly enough lately.

But the best way to channel pain is into preventing it. How can you use your gifts to improve the lives of everyone around you. If oyu have never read The Fred Factor, that's a good one to try, too. Fred was a mailman who made a difference just by being a mailman. We all have the power to make the world a better place and if we took just one capful of positive energy every day and pour it into the vat of humanity, we can make a great stew. Researching this cancer support center has nourished and energized me in ways I never imagined--then I got a cold, but I am pretty sure that's temporary and I am looking forward to moving onto great things. The weather in mid-MO has been phenomenal lately, I hope everyone is taking advantage, with love, Lisa

The Answer

When you seek your destiny the universe conspires to assist. I believe that and knew that if I waited, the answer would just come. And so I think it has. Columbia, and in fact, the whole world, needs a system of integrated Cancer Centers. A place where people go to get support--whether it is information, financial, or especially emotional. I think when the idea comes to it's true fruition, it will be a physical place, but for now, a network of support groups would be a good place to start.

We had the privilege last week of attending a tailgate and the MU game for Childhood Cancer Awareness Days. It was a small group--it was raining--but it was very comfortable to be in a crowd of people who all "got it." To see kids in the battle, graduates, nurses, doctors, and everyone else all there for the same reason meant we didn't have to talk about it, or explain, but we could just have fun. But the whole time my thoughts were on the family of a friend who has had to contend with the loss of a father to cancer, a sudden death of a grandfather, and the loss of a pigeon and a dog, all in a span of about two months.

The one thought that kept resonating in my head, though was that Bonnie's beautiful daughter made her go get a mammogram because she did not want to lose two parents to cancer. How powerful is that? How scary is it for anyone to know that they could lose everyone to the same dreaded cause? It's possible, but we don't think that way. We could have lost a son this summer to cancer, not something I ever thought of even on my most dreary day. Car accident, freak baseball or pool accident, even choking, but not cancer at the age of ten. But kids who lose someone to cancer might fear it forever, and people shouldn't have to live in fear.

So we have to take the power away. Cancer is fast becoming more chronic in many of it's forms. There have been great advances in breast cancer, certain kinds of melanoma, leukemia, etc. Not enough, I would never argue that, but CANCER doesn't have to carry the same power it did even ten years ago. But when I started thinking about it, about all the people who told me their stories and told me that my blog is therapeutic--I thought, how is it that there isn't an organized network of support for all the people touched by cancer? By doing that, and sharing the wealth of information and giving people a place to go, first virtual, then hopefully real physical places, everywhere, like Ronald McDonald Houses for cancer, we can take the negative energy associated with cancer and turn it into a positive force of hope.

That's the plan, feedback is good, volunteers are great, and a NAME would be wonderful. My first thought that grew out of thinking about Bonnie's daughter was that people who take this journey need to know that they will NEVER BE ALONE, but there are lot's of organizations with names like that. I also thought about hope and that if we want to have support groups for kids, and we want people to think good thoughts about this place, it needs to have a more inspirational name. I thought about Hope House, Hope's Place, but those names are also overused. My current thinking is that in the spirit of The Vagina Monologues, we should just call it The Cancer Club because that's what it is and it begins the process of stealing the power. It may be a Club no one ever wanted to join, but the reality is that we are all already members--by virtue of being touched by the condition, you could benefit from the service we might offer.

But anyway, I am so incredibly busy, the store is busy and everything in our house seems to be breaking at the same time, so I am spending a lot of time at Lowe's. Plus, school year activities are in full swing--orchestra, Robotics, a new competitive basketball team for Bo, confirmation for Pierce, all has me drowning in paper and events! I need to make many more posts, but I wanted to put that thought out to get some feedback, and to help us with our first goal.

If anyone in the Columbia area knows any kids (perhaps, 8-12 or 13) who have recently lost a parent to cancer who might be interested in getting together with other kids in a similar situation for support, and even some fun, let me know ASAP. You can e-mail me at lwscribner, or call--I am at the store most of the time, 573.446.1823. We have trained psychologists and social workers that have agreed to help us, and we hope to expand to offer more groups, so if you have thoughts on that, let me know that as well. That's all for now, but we are really excited about this project and hope you are, too! With love, Lisa

What Now?

People have told me that they like my blog, that I am a good writer and I have helped and inspired them. That's incredibly humbling, really. I have always been a decent writer, but most of my writing has been limited to dot point summaries, memos and policy briefs--if you want to read any of them, let me know, I have a few grant applications of which I am particularly proud--a definite cure for insomnia! But everything I have ever had the privilege to write, I have written for other people. While this blog is the most selfish endeavor I have ever taken on, I have written it mostly for the people I love, to say things I could never express in real spoken words. Why is that? I never really knew until I finished The Shack, by William P. Young. So as in my last post, consider this excerpt:

[Law] grants you the power to judge others and feel superior to them. You believe you are living to a higher standard than those you judge. Enforcing rules, especially in its more subtle expressions like responsibility and expectation, is a vain attempt to create certainty out of uncertainty… Rules cannot bring freedom; they only have the power to accuse…Responsibilities and expectations are the basis of guilt and shame and judgment, and they provide the essential framework that promotes performance as the basis for identity and value. You know what it is like not to live up to someone’s expectations… The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations.

What a powerful statement that is and when you think about it, and how liberating is it to think that if we all live honestly, we might be able to live without rules? Not sports, or traffic, or contract law, we have to start with the basics--the rules that govern our relationships and expectations for each other. Tracy commented here that she could never write like I do, but why not? I think we all have the ability to write when we have something to say. When the life of someone you love more than life itself is at stake, and your heart breaks in a way that makes you immune to shame and ridicule and you can just let your heart speak in a way your head can't or won't, I think we all can write. Because then, we can forget the rules, forget bad grammar and spelling and punctuation. When it's life and death, it's not about being proper anymore, it's about being, just being.

If we could all live believing that we all have the best intentions for everyone, Tracy could write what she needs to without feeling judgment by herself or anyone else. And if we get really good at it, we could even speak that way. Why is it that we tend to appreciate eachother most at the end--the end of a job, the end of a vacation, the end of a life? Pastor Paul was preaching Romans 12 this month, my favorite chapter. In it we learn that we have all been given unique gifts but that together, we form humanity, not one of us alone, or even a few, it takes ALL the gifts, but what are our gifts and how are we supposed to use them? I always tell customers at the store that we are here to take care of food so that they can take care of all the things that are really important to them and that there is no guilt in needing help since we all can't be good at everything.

So, I have struggled with this blog. Should, I keep writing? I love thinking that I can do something that helps someone, but I am really not a writer, and so having fulfilled my selfish purpose, should I stop? I only wish I was someone like Stephen King who has stories that just tumble out of his head. My new favorite is Anne Lamott, and of course who can forget JK Rowling? Then there are the historical greats, Emerson, Whitman, Blake, Dumas, and the playwrights, too. Great writers are amazing people, and I am not one of them, to be sure.

So, lacking sories to tell, hopefully lacking any news on Bo's health, I need a new reason to write. I don't presume anyone will stay and read, but I will write until we figure out where this journey is supposed to end. I will write about my struggle to make something out of the gifts I have been given, and hopefully in writing, I will find others who can help make sense of all our paths, where our collective gifts can come together to make great things happen! But, now that I am not writing out of desperation, I feel myself reverting to judgment and expectation. I am not a great writer, or even a good one and I don't have anything to say. I keep writing and editing and editing and deleting... So for now, I will stop and just publish my random musings. I think in my next post I will tell you about the book I have wanted to write since starting a business! Have a great week, Lisa